Just For Now

I recently went with friends to see Avenue Q at Birmingham’s Hippodrome; the musical puppet theatre show.

It’s the story of a newly graduated puppet looking for his purpose in life; I could certainly relate, being fresh out of uni myself. After numerous songs and the puppet finding his purpose in a tidy 2 hours, the cast sings about things only being for now anyway.

At first the song made me feel annoyed; I don’t want something that is just for now.  Of course anything can happen to change a person’s life; nothing can last forever, it really is just for now. I appreciate that Avenue Q are reaffirming that people should not plan every little detail of their lives and let life just happen to them.  But I don’t like the idea of getting a for now job.

I need to get a for now job though; I have little work experience so I can’t really be picky about what job I get; a for now job for me will probably mean shop work or something like that. I just hope that I don’t get stuck in a rut; I want a career, a purpose, but I’m not too sure what that is yet. I think about being a writer, but there are so many possibilities; journalist, novelist, poet, greeting card writer.

I know that not everybody can do their dream job; there are not so desirable jobs that somebody has to do. I don’t mind doing it if it makes me happy. And right now I don’t know what will make me happy. When I was at university I had a rough idea of how my life was going to plan out but hello real world and I’m unsure of myself. After 3 years of essays and presentations, on top of the 14 years in education at school, I am definitely institutionalised.

Yeah they try and prepare you for the real world, put you on work placements, but two weeks experience doesn’t help all that much. It’s not that much of a shock, anyone with eyes and ears will know that life is hard and that jobs aren’t lined up waiting for you. But it’s still difficult to make that transition.

Going back to the Avenue Q song, it may have annoyed me at first, because I want something with longevity, but now it serves as a reminder to take things one step at a time, play the short game; the long game probably won’t work out the way you want anyway. My problem though is that I don’t even know what I want to do for now, let alone the future. I guess I won’t be able to find my purpose as quickly as the puppet did in Avenue Q; I hope I find it soon though.

Hopefully this lack of purpose/direction in life is only for now.

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