Waiting Game

There are many things that I would like to do in my lifetime. I want a career I love, the opportunity to travel the world, I want a big house in the country, I want to get married, along with some other things, like driving lessons and subsequently a car. What is simply annoying is that without the career, and the money that comes with it, I can’t do any of that other stuff.

There are many things that I want (sometimes selfishly and materialistically) and it feels like I’ve been patient enough. People say you shouldn’t wait for life to happen, you should make it happen. Unfortunately I have to leave it up to an employer to start the ball rolling for me to live a life I want; and with the job hunt continuing, it feels a long way off. I’m attempting to make it happen; sending out CVs, scouring the internet job pages, doing everything but prostituting myself; but it feels like I’m stuck on glue. I’m not living.

When I need to give my mind a rest, I enjoy just relaxing and watching movies, reading books, but the rest of the time, I’m bored and restless. And it is amazing how quick I have got into a routine after finishing uni (well humans are creatures of habit); it’s not even a routine of anything; get up, have a cup of tea, eat breakfast, and whenever what I am watching on TV has finished, I’ll get changed out of my pjs and go on the internet to begin another day of job hunting. It’s not much of an existence is it? Sometimes it feels as if I’m going crazy. The only thing that keeps me sane is going for drinks with friends; chatting rubbish and forgetting life for a while. We’re even into a routine with that; same place at the same time every week, we do try to mix things up occasionally, which is something. I guess I’m just stuck in a rut, trying to climb out and hoping that some employer will give me a hand to get out of it. Without the career and the money, life is going nowhere.

It’s so unhealthy that at this time in my life I am driven by the need for money, but I have found that pretty much everything boils down to it. When I used to volunteer my time at a charity shop, I was not getting paid but I was driven by the need to earn money for the charity. Money is in everything. It doesn’t cost anything to sit watching movies with the boyfriend but when I think about it, he has spent money on fuel for his car to come to my house, I’ve spent money on the dvd we’re watching and my parents have spent money on the food we’re eating.

Basically, money is the backbone of everything we do; I need a job in order to earn money, in order to do the stuff that I want to do. I don’t want to be typing away on my laptop this time next year, still sitting on my bed in my parent’s house, writing about how I still have no job and no money, so still can’t do anything, like buy my own house and travel the world. I’m fed up of that now, and it’s only been 6 weeks since I handed in my last ever uni assignment and entered the real world.

All I can do is keep doing my part of trying to make things happen and keep up with the job search; and hope that somebody will do their part to help me and offer me a job.  It’s just so hard to stay motivated when you don’t seem to be catching a break. And I’m sure I’m not alone on this.

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