After seeing numerous Facebook updates from university friends about their results and passing their degrees, I quickly accessed my homepage on my uni website and there sitting in my inbox were the words ‘End of Year Board 2010/11: Transcript’. I wasn’t looking forward to finding out my degree results but I wasn’t dreading it either. I felt more nervous when I picked up my dissertation a few weeks back. I clicked to open the message; a nice cover letter telling me that I had passed and wishing me luck for the future. I then nonchalantly clicked to view my transcript. The page loaded and I saw what I was expecting to see; a 2:2 (don’t know how grades differ in different countries but in Britain, a 1st is the top mark, then a 2:1, and then my 2:2)
I got what I expected and to be honest, I’m disappointed with it. Three years of my life and all I got was a 2:2. Three years and approximately over £10,000 in debt for a piece of paper that states I only got a 2:2. Actually I’m disappointment in myself. I know I could’ve done better; I could’ve got a 2:1 at the very least if it wasn’t for my chronic illness… laziness.
I started my assignments with the very best of intentions, organised myself and what I had to do, got started on any research, and then I’d just get bored. I’d struggle to write it out or just get distracted by shiny things. I’d get something written down and then think ‘that’ll do’, I handed in work that I knew could’ve benefitted from more detail in places, or stronger evidence to back up the arguments. I handed in work that was below par. And all because I couldn’t be bothered to do anymore. I lost that drive within me that pushes me to do more than my best.
I hope my low pass mark will push me, inspire me to do more; and right now I do feel inspired to do more but I don’t know how long that will last. As I said above, I start off good but then I sort of just tail off, become interested in different, unimportant things. Right now this 2:2 is pushing me to work harder and get the career I want (whatever that turns out to be), which is what I want to do, but I know somewhere down the line I’ll suddenly realise that I’m not on track.
I’m thinking that writing it out, putting it on paper (or screen) will make the notion to work harder more concrete within me. This is something I can look back on from time to time and remind myself of the disappointment I felt at my 2:2 degree classification, inspiring me to put more than 100% into things so I do not feel disappointment in myself again.
I need to fight laziness with everything I’ve got.