Today, the 22nd day of December 2011, I am 23 years old.
It feels like such an un-special age. I’m not legally allowed to do anything now I am 23. I can already do everything. I am old enough to do everything, and, I might offend some people as they read this but I feel just plain old.
I miss the days when I would tell whoever I met, who asked my age, that I was 18 years old. They’d always respond with jealously, thinking that 18 was the best year of anybody’s life; I loved making people jealous with the fact I was 18 and they weren’t.
Is a quarter life crisis possible? Being 18 feels like only yesterday but I am 23. Time goes so fast; sometimes it feels too fast, like before I know it, I’m going to be 60. And as someone suggested to me last night when I was out with friends to celebrate my new age, I should get sluttier as I get older, so basically when I’m 60, I should be wearing nothing but a thong to my birthday drinks.
It feels like so much has happened in the last five years, but at the same time, it feels like I haven’t achieved anything. I keep having to remind myself that in the last five years I’ve passed my a-levels, got into uni and then graduated, meanwhile, dealing with love and loss. I’ve got through the last five years and survived; they have shaped me into the person I am today. There have been ups and downs, lefts and rights, and I’ve come through it all.
I do get this feeling that I am not living my life to the fullest. If the world ends in 2012 I want to know that I have lived a great life, been adventurous and successful; even if the world hasn’t ended by this time next year, I still want to feel as if I have lived; by the age of 24 I want to feel as if I have lived. I’ve heard that life gets shitter as you age and get more responsibility so I feel I should do everything now whilst I don’t have much responsibility, but I also want to be adventurous into old age. I don’t want to be middle aged, constantly reminiscing about the past, clinging to the past, making no new memories at all. Why do people think that old age has to be boring? That’s probably why I do not want to grow up; scared to become boring; afraid that life is just going to pass me by.
Again, I keep having to remind myself that I ain’t dead yet, and that my 23rd year of life hasn’t always been boring. I am living life. I am young and free.
This is such a contradictory post… I’m young, I’m old, I’m boring, I’m exciting… think I’ll wrap it up now, and leave you with a list of things I have done in 2011 that I feel prove that I’m only old and boring half of the time:
- I managed to come through university alive.
- I graduated
- I travelled to Italy on my own
- Saw the Chili Peppers in concert
- Saw comedian Milton Jones
- Saw comedian Reginald D Hunter
- Went horse riding in the rain
- Stood on top of a 4×4
- Ate ice cream atop the 4×4 and admired the view (simple things are the best)
- Walked to the top of Hay Bluff (near Wales) (nothing compared to Scafell Pike, the highest mountain in England, which I did when I was 21)
- I wrote a novel in 30 days
- And I started my own blog
There might be more things, I can’t remember… a year, like me, is a tad contradictory; it’s a fairly long time but seems to go so fast. If I think of anything else I’ll let ya know.
What about you guys, any key moments of 2011 that made you feel like you were actually living???