Chav Lullaby

For those who aren’t inhabiting the land of the English, “a chav” is the term used to denote somebody who has no work ethic, sponging money off the government, and who has no prospects in life. Their attitude is poor and so is their behaviour. A lot of teenage chavs have reproduced before they even leave school, and that is where the inspirations for this came from; it’s a reworking of an old children’s lullaby (the original can be found here).

Hush, little asbo, don’t say a word,

Mama’s gonna get you a mockingbird.

And if that mockingbird don’t sing,

Mama’s gonna steal you a diamond ring.

If that diamond ring turns brass,

Mama’s gonna go and kick some ass.

If it’s mama’s ass that’s kicked,

Then that slut’s house gets bricked.

Hush little asbo, don’t you cry,

Mama’s busy curing her STI.

When my STI is cleared,

Mama’s gonna go get something pierced.

And when our benefits are all spent up,

Daddy’s child support, he needs to pay up.

If your daddy runs a mile,

Then we’re gonna go on Jeremy Kyle.

So hush little asbo, don’t say a word,

Mama prefers it when you can’t be heard.


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