On Wednesday the 7th March I had a job interview. On Saturday 10th March, I was rejected.
The job was a tutor position at a company called Explore Learning, providing after school, weekend, and holiday tuition to those aged 5-14 falling behind at school or are desperate to get ahead. The job was perfect for me; it would have made use of my English degree, I’d love to work with kids, and it would have fit around my evening job as a cleaner, so although it wasn’t a full time job, I’d still be earning somewhat decent money. Perfect job for me yes, however, it turns out I’m not perfect for the job.
I was at the boyfriend’s house on Saturday afternoon, him watching the rugby, me browsing the internet. I checked the email, and there was one lonely new message staring out at me; Explore Learning Interview in the subject box, in big black bold letters. My heart instantly began to race as I clicked to open it. It wouldn’t open. I had to close the internet page and start again. The boyfriend averted his gaze from the rugby to read the email with me. My eyes fixated on the paragraph that began with the word Unfortunately. I read it, ignoring the obligatory niceties, and tears started to prickle behind my eyes. I had told myself not to get my hopes up before entering the interview, but my hopes were way up high for this job and now they were completely dashed.
I sat in silence for a few moments, the boyfriend said some comforting words but I don’t really remember them; wanting to not dwell on it, I started to read some blogs here on WordPress. Looking at posts in whatever topic intrigued me. Happy posts to distract me.
I have started to dwell on it now though. Patiently waiting for a response to the email I sent back to them on Sunday, thanking them for their time and asking if they could tell me why I wasn’t successful; wondering if it was because I messed up a little bit in the role play situation where I had to demonstrate how I would help a child if they were having a problem with a maths question, totally blanking on how to do long subtraction; knowing for certain that the other candidates had more experience than I did; wondering how many more rejections I will have to go through before I actually get a decent job. There is so much more to me than being a cleaner; I just need somebody willing to take a chance on me so I can prove it.
I’m teetering on the edge at the moment; desperately trying to avoid falling into a pit of despair and insecurities, but finding it hard to remain positive. I’ve been out of university for 10 months now and I’m still yet to find a degree worthy job. Makes me wonder if the three years of my life spent getting that posh piece of paper were actually worth it; so far it hasn’t done me any favours. I take a little comfort in the knowledge that I’m not the only one; there are plenty of people, with or without degrees, who want to work but can’t catch a break.
I do have positive moments; I’ll feel upbeat and optimistic about getting a job, thinking that I can’t possibly go through life without getting one; that I must be patient and stick to the hunt; searching for a job, after all, is a full time job. But I am only human and patience does start to wear thin with all the rejection.
Definitely starting to miss school now.
- So not to seem too pathetic and downtrodden, here’s something I found through a google search… a little something re-affirming of what myself, and I’m sure many others are aiming for