At the beginning of this week my mind felt like this…
This is Spaghetti Junction on the outskirts of birmingham city centre. My mind felt like this because I had given myself various options for my first proper step into the big wide world and I had no idea how to choose.
My first option was to carry on how I am; spending my evenings cleaning a nursery, occasionally helping out there during the day with the kids and generally not doing much else whilst I’m not there.
Second option… Do as I’m doing but spend my days doing some decent writing and attempting to get it published.
Third option… Do an online course in freelance journalism to get an idea of how to earn decent money for my pieces and get to grips with the legalities and copyright issues that come with freelancing, making option 2 easier.
Fourth option… Teach myself the freelance journalism course. I have the course outline from the prospectus emailed to me by the British College of Journalism and there is a lot of stuff on the internet about writing (and it would be free,unlike said course)
The first option aside, which is essentially not even an option for me, everything is aimed towards writing, it is just a case of deciding how to go about it; should I just dive straight in or should I learn how to go about getting paid for it?
I was absoluetly frying my brain, thinking of what to do for the best… what was best for my future? were the courses I looked into credible? Would it make the future (house, car etc)come any quicker?
I just didn’t know what to do with myself. Instead of standing at the metaphorical crossroads, I was standing at Spaghetti Junction with no clue of which route to take. It’s frustrating when you don’t know what to do and which option is best… but my eureka moment has come and I have decided to go for none of the options I have just listed above.
I was thinking about what I really wanted and what needed to change in my life when it hit me. What I really want is for my future to happen, to make my dream a reality. I bet you think I’m talking about my writing dream, but I am not. I’m talking about my dream of moving out of my parent’s house into my own dream home… I’m talking about being a grown-up and having a proper life of my own. And in order to do this, I’m gonna need to be earning a lot more money.
So I have decided that my first proper step into the big wide, real world, is to get a proper job. Any job I can get that points me in the right direction of what I want from life; any job that gets me out of the same place where my sister is manager would be absolutely fantastic. I will keep writing and thinking about progressing in that, but right now, I want to escape from my sister’s shadow and not live with my parents anymore, that is my main priority.
I’m happy that my decision has been made and that I didn’t agonise over it for too long. For a little while there I did feel completely lost and unsure of myself; I don’t even know where asking myself what was most important to me at this moment in my life came from, it just popped into my mind randomly, and in answering it, everything seemed to make sense. I now have a clear idea of what I am going to do and how I am going to do it… and best of all, there are no down sides, well unless you look and bigger picture and realise there are quite a lot of people looking for jobs, but I’m just gonna ignore that bit. I’m determined to move on from my crappy clenaing job and make my dream actually happen.
I can feel myself filling with a fighting spirit; I need to make this happen. I have been feeling as though I am stuck, not moving forward at all, which just kills me a little as I’m not exactly in a great place, but I am determined to do this… to earn the money and make life my own.
I definately encourage anyone who has a decision to make, or a purpose to find, to just ask yourself what is most important or what you really want from life, and hopefully what you have to do should become clearer, geared to getting you where you want to be.