I miss university. I am haunted by my university.
Lately it feels like everywhere I go there is a reminder of my time at university. Mostly adverts that seem to be strategically placed, following me, reminding me that I am in the real world, as cold and as harsh as that may be. Just today, I was on the bus, feeling kind of lousy about still not having a decent job, and I sit down directly opposite a poster advertising that at my university, you can expect to achieve. I wanted so badly to be back there.
And then a song lyric popped into my head… “I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger”
What I know now about myself and what I want from life, as well as how hard it really is to find work; if I had known that whilst I was at university I think I could have been a lot more focused. I would have had a better idea of where I wanted to go and could have made better decisions in regards to getting there. I could have made appropriate use of advice that could have been provided by tutors and the careers officer; I could have made use of services that are no longer available to me.
The day I graduated was a metaphorical kick out of the door. No longer was I in the warmth and security of education, but on the outside, unable to afford prolonging my education with a post-graduate degree, and uncertain of what I wanted to do, let alone how to go about it.
In the two years since handing in my last assignment, I have discovered a lot about myself and my ambitions which really could have come in handy when I was at university. I feel that if I had such knowledge back then I could have done so much better, maybe even have come away with a better grade. But alas, I cannot go back. What is done is done, and although I do not have much to show for these last two years, I have learnt a lot. So with a lot of hope and quiet determination, maybe I will make something of myself someday. I could have got to where I want to go if I had known then what I know now. But it looks like I am on the slow road to my destination.