Do you think that there may come a point in your life where you are so bored and static, and so stuck in a rut that you actually miss the anxiety you used to feel when your life was not so sorted out?
Part of me feels that this will happen to me. That I am getting terribly used to this feeling of worry and anxiousness as I move forward with things in my life, that someday, I will be so bored with the settled life I’m currently trying to get for myself.
My anxiety, and probably the anxiety of most others, is rooted in the times of change.
I have spent so long, trying to progress, finding that I am not really going anywhere, and now it seems like everything is happening all at once. I am on my way to getting a full driver’s license; I’m currently doing a short online course; and whilst I still haven’t gained the elusive job that I am after, I am definitely moving forward with that. And to top it all off, I am now planning a wedding and moving house!
It is a bit of a hectic time right now, and the anxiety I am feeling is probably stemming from the fact that there are so many different changes happening in such a short amount of time. Sometimes I feel like they are all happening beyond my control, or that something bad will happen. There are all of these different possibilities, and I need to get my head around them and think about how things are going to be. All of these things are cramming in my mind to be centre of attention; distracting me from everyday things, and refusing to shut up when I am trying to sleep. If I realise that I haven’t been paying attention to one thing for a little while, I feel guilty, and a knot develops in my stomach. But if a pay too much attention to them, thinking about what could be, or what needs to be done, I find myself overthinking, and worrying about them. My anxieties have anxiety!
But now my thinking has got to the point where I am moving beyond feeling anxious about my anxieties and trying to learn to appreciate them. In the grander scheme of things I see (and hope) that my anxieties are only temporary. My life is currently in a state of flux, but will eventually settle and be a little less hectic. One day, I won’t have to worry about the various commitments I have; I won’t have to think about getting council tax sorted, or getting an energy supplier; I won’t have to organise myself around driving lessons; I won’t have to make decisions about who I want at my wedding, and what they are going to eat. One day life will be a lot simpler.
And then I think that one day, when life is simpler, maybe it will be boring as well, and I’ll be longing for the uncertainty and nicely busy times I had when things weren’t so certain. That my future self will miss the knotted stomach, the sweaty palms and the elevated heart rate that I feel today.
To give anxiety a more positive spin; it is a sign that you are really living life. That you are doing things that may be outside of your comfort zone, or that you just are not used to. We need to embrace this aspect of us. Embrace the uncertainty; embrace the anxiety!
I really think that you’ll miss it when it is gone.
But then maybe I just think too much.